Meeting and relationship with the Self

For her, it happen when, one early autumn evening, she looked up on the dark sky and gaze upon a particular star. She had a definite feeling of someone watching her from there. Someone … authentic, humble and very loving. She was 12.
She spent her entire life looking for the strange beautiful star presence.
As  with any child and adolescent, without asking for permission, her imagination gave the presence a face and a body. Many wonderful adventures took shape in the most safe and inspiring company of the beautiful stranger from a star.
Life took her to Canada as an immigrant where she had the opportunity to study many different spiritual teachings, like reiki, traditional native american shamanic teachings, iridology, reflexology, traditional Thai yoga therapy and more. Finally, she felt this was her calling. Through spiritual practices she was able to receive long needed answers regarding her mysterious childhood experience. However, her deep burning desire was to meet the presence, face to face. For a very long time, for some reason, she believed this presence is to be sought and found in the outer world, that it will present itself as another human being.
But life has its own way of teaching and bringing clarity. Many deceptions were merely meant to teach. No need for resentments.
In the end, all is clear. It is I. Not I, the body, not I, the mind, but I the Self. The higher Self whom cannot be expressed, cannot be seen, but only known from within.
But this is not the end. It is only a beginning. The most important relationship of them all. How can I develop a relationship with my Self?

This blog is where I tell my story, simply and succinctly. This blog is meant to allow my thinking to flow more easily.

I have another blog, much older, where emotions, visions, feelings are rendered in the more concentrated form of poetry. My relationship with Invisible Self, shared as much as humanly possible.

Why I start this blog?

The question about relations was always floating somewhere in my mind’s universe. I started of my life in the perfect, most natural relationships. Relationship with my sister, with our parents and grandparents, with our neighbors and our friends.

I don’t specifically remember the point in time when natural relating came to an end. It was probably soon after I got married. I realized things were asked of me to do, roles to play, standard images to fit. Very unnatural for me. So I suffered greatly (and still do) as I don’t know how I got fooled into all this abracadabra illusion. Important to mention is that for about two years my husband and I were actually in a very beautiful natural relationship before the time of our marriage.

During the first seven years of marriage it was I who wanted his company, more talking, more doing things together, etc. Now I realize I wanted to have a natural relationship again. But that ended when marriage started.

For the last six years of marriage is him wanting to try more and harder to have a natural relationship. It doesn’t happen.

So, I am getting the feeling that:

1. Relationships are spontaneous occurrences. Their start and stop time are outside of human control, just like the weather or star explosion. They simply happen at a certain point in time with a certain person from all the rest.

2. All relationships have a purpose. Something is always “born” from any relationship, not necessarily a child. Could be a work, a product, an idea, art. Anything that exists is the result of a natural relationship.

From our relationship resulted two boys who are 9 and 4 now. Taking care of them is the only thing we still do well together. But for the rest, not matter how hard we both try, we are not connecting at all. It’s just not happening.

So I started thinking about how to open ourselves again to natural relationships, the same way we were in our childhood, while retaining adult awareness. I’m trying to come to a few valuable conclusions. This work, these conclusions wouldn’t be necessary in a natural world, where all that happens (naturally occurs) is genuinely embraced as good.